They said I have cancer, Lord. The surgeon and his medical team walked into my hospital room and with three small words changed my life forever. "We've found cancer." But you already know that. You knew it before any of us. As each tiny abnormal cell divided and invaded my body, you knew how this disease would change me and cause me to become the person you want me to be.
It has been a while since cancer quietly walked into my life yet quickly and violently turned it upside down and shook everything out. I was left to start over. In doing so, I have slowly discovered the ways in which you are using this disease to change my life, to change me.
Cancer has forced me to draw on my own inner strength. I had to gather every ounce of strength I own and even some I was unaware of to face this illness. Although you placed some extraordinary people in my life to support and encourage me, they could not fight this disease for me. That I had to do alone.
Cancer has caused me to intensify my trust. I had to trust my medical team to guide me in making the life altering decisions I would have to make concerning treatment options. I had to trust my friends and family to take care of those little every day tasks I had always taken for granted and give my husband and children some sense of normalcy in this exhausting life with cancer. Most importantly, however, I had to reexamine my trust in you. I had to trust that you would give me the drive and desire to fight this disease. I also had to trust that cancer was a part of your plan for me and that some good would eventually come of this struggle.
But by far the most important way in which you used this disease in my life was to enable me to strengthen my faith in you. Because on some days, the really tough days, that would be all I had to draw on. When things were just too hard for me to think about or I was too ill to care, I had to trust that you would do it for me. I had to have faith that you would lift the heavy burden from my weary shoulders long enough for me to regroup and prepare to pick up the fight again.
And as each day passes, I do not know whether I am moving farther from or closer to my battle with cancer. Whether it is part of my past or part of my future. But you do. It is all part of your plan for me and my strength, trust and faith are in you.
Amen
