I have found the summer time quite difficult these last few years, especially the weekends. I feel unmotivated and lazy and useless so this ache in my gut presents the perfect excuse for lying around and watching TV all day. I am the epitome of a procrastinator putting off all possible chores and errands until 'tomorrow'. I hate this in me. Something has happened in my life recently that I haven't mentioned and I believe this is hugely contributing to my depression this summer. I have lost my job. Found out the first of May. I am still trying to come to terms with this. The job I so loved and was so proud of (for to hold a job for over four years with a cancer and chronic disease diagnosis I think is pretty outstanding) will not be waiting for me this fall as in previous years. I loved my job as a pre school teacher assistant. It was perfect. Part time, home by lunch and off when the kids are out of school. I couldn't ask for better. The money wasn't much, but this accomplishment to me wasn't about money. It was about doing something I loved with people I loved. But my all too often absences finally put the school into a postion where they felt they couldn't keep me on. I have been asked to substitute which I am considering, but the day to day being a 'part' of a classroom is gone. It hurts, is a heartbreaker really and is just one other area of my life in which cancer has taken over. Oh I won't give up, won't give up the fight, but I do feel the wind has been knocked out of my sail for a bit.
I do plan to keep up with this blog. I do not feel it has fallen into the pattern I want it to yet, but feel I will eventually get it there. Thank you so for taking time, which is very precious, to read my postings.
No comments:
Post a Comment